Spare the rod and spoil the child or nature vs. Nurture. What is the best parenting advice that you can get when you have a strong willed child. What I can tell you is dig in and don’t give up. You can make it through. Here are a few reminders in your struggling days of wanting to quit and send them off to boarding school.
Don’t make excuses for your child. Set a bar of expectation that they are expected to behave and follow a certain behavior. You are the parent, so be the parent. If you have a strong willed child be stronger, if they won’t behave have consequences, and if they need consequences follow through on it. It’s so frustrating when a parent threatens a punishment and then never follows through. Your child learns there will never be any consequences and you are bluffing.
The age of boundary crossing starts at about two years of age. Children realize that they can push the envelope ever so slightly. Some children are willful. But it’s your job and responsibility as a parent to set boundaries. Don’t let them fool you, children want them. They want to know the rules to live by. If they don’t have them they will be confused or set their own.
Children are great because they just say it like it is. But it’s a job for us parents to teach children to be respectful. Seeing a large lady on the street and calling them fat to their face is cruel. Yes she is over weight, but it also hurt her feelings. Teach children in a positive fashion that it is more important to be kind many times than truthful. Or better yet, not to say anything at all.
If you get in the habit of constantly buying your child something when you are out know they will have that expectation later down the road. It is a learned behavior. Warn the grandparents too but they have more leeway. When they older it will be the normal expectation and they will be upset when you don’t. They may even throw a tantrum because they don’t understand that you can’t always get something when you go to the store. Give them an allowance and let them buy their own stuff. They will also learn the value of money.
Teach your children to appreciate everything in life. No matter what it is everything happens for a reason. Teach them to say please and teach them to say thank you, even if they don’t like it. Nothing is more irritating to me when I go to a birthday party of a child and when opening the gifts they scoff and say, “I don’t like this” in front of the entire group. The gift giver thought of you and gave you a gift, appreciate it.
Teach your children to share, especially you that have only children. It is inbred in us to be naturally selfish. Teach your child that sharing is about giving and not expecting anything in return. And teach them to not back talk to adults. They can respectfully disagree. I remember a kindergartner telling me to “bleep” off when in my child’s classroom. They didn’t learn that from Sesame Street. Set the example for your children so they can be respectful adults.
But bottom line; teach them that they are loved. A child filled with love will have the self esteem to conquer the world. They will have confidence to get through hard times and the courage to face the world as an adult.
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